Ssh! Here's a secret the entire world now knows!

I just read a headline on a news website that says: "Jennifer Aniston secretly dating John Meyer".

It's not much of a secret is it? Not if I've read about it on the internet, which is pretty much available anywhere in the entire world.

A hint to any headline writers at newspapers, magazines or websites, if you're writing about it, it's not a secret.

Muppets.

Don't make me tell you twice to give it a rest!

Have you heard that new Rihanna song with Eminem?

I think it's called "I love the way you lie" or something like that. It's about domestic abuse.

In it, she sings "You're gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts."

You didn't like it too much when your boyfriend was doing it for real did you love?

I have nothing against Rihanna. She's made a few catchy tunes and seems a bit vacant but what I can't get over, literally, is her really big forehead.

It's like the old Tefal advert from the 80's. It's like the Coneheads pulled an Angelina Jolie and adopted a baby from the Caribbean.

What's that all about?

With all her money you'd think she'd be able to afford some kind of operation to bring her hair forward a bit.