Saturday, August 29, 2009

Where does all the text go when you're typing away but when you look at the screen there is nothing there?

Annoying isn't it?

When you have to fill something in online and you're typing away and then you look up at the screen and there's nothing there. You wither didn't click in the box where you want to type, or more likely, you did click on it, and the little flashing cursor thing appeared but then vanished when you actually started typing.

Where does all that text go?

Is there an old man somewhere getting more and more confused because he keeps getting e-mails from strangers with part words and sentences?

He's old, he's probably confused enough as it is.

And while I'm on the subject, what about those forms you're trying to fill online that suddenly jump to the next box while you're typing so you have to delete it and start again? It's especially useful as you can't copy and paste on most of these websites.

There you are filling in your name in the first box then when you look up your first name is A and your date of birth is ndrew.

It pisses me off!

Friday, August 28, 2009

People in Houston are friendly are they? Have you ever driven on the same road as them?

In England it's actually quite difficult to get a driving licence. You have to take weeks, or months of lessons, pass a written test and then pass a lengthy practical exam.

In Houston however, it is much easier.

People from Houston like to pride themselves on how friendly the people are. If you've ever had the misfortune of driving on one of the millions of miles of road in this concrete jungle then you will know that is absolute bullshit.

Driving home last night I saw a number of things that worried (and shocked me). Bearing in mind my drive home is much shorter than it used to be there is still plenty of opportunity for sudden and violent death.

First off, the car in front of me was signalling right. This is a shock in itself as most Houston driver's thing that blinking light on the front of the car must be a broken headlight. The only problem is, they were turning left as their indicator said the exact opposite.

At the next set of traffic lights, I was sat in the right hand lane waiting to turn right. It was a three land road with the third lane restricted to left turns. Except for the guy in the blue Honda who decided that just as the light turned green, he would cut across the traffic and turn right from the lane furthest left.

Next up was a guy who was turning right, from the left hand lane, and get this, he was signalling his intentions with that flashy light thing. So far so good. Except this wasn't good enough for the guy behind him who honked his horn long and hard, disgusted that the car in front was slowing down his journey home!

My personal favourite trick of the Houston motorist is when they're riding along at the same exact speed as you're going in the lane next to them, except for when you turn on your indicator, letting them know you're about to enter their lane. That little flashing light signals something in their brain that reminds them that they are now travelling far too slow and must speed up before anyone has the audacity of getting in front of them safely.

Driving home every night I see the same thing. There is a section of the road when three lanes goes down to two. 90% of the nights the same thing happens. Most drivers know the outside lane is about to end and make their way into one of the two remaining lanes. But not that guy right at the back. He needs to get there before everyone else so he will put his foot down and stay in the outside lane until the last possible moment, and then pull in without signalling forcing a long line of cars to slam on their brakes. Sometimes he decides his lane doesn't really end and carries on over the yellow lines pushing someone else even closer to not actually making it home again.

Learn to drive you ignorant bastards. If you can't do that, at least have the courtesy to wrap yourself around that fucking lamp post and not some innocent bastard just trying to get home to see his wife and kids.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Will there ever be a day when the current US President doesn't address the nation in front of television cameras?

Thought for the day:

Will the current US President ever have a day where he isn't talking to the nation in front of television cameras?

Seriously. It's like the Truman Show. Everything the guy does is in front of the cameras.

He obviously hasn't been told how over exposure can kill even the most promising media career.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Still bloody green!

It's now day 11 of bananagate so I thought I'd post a picture of them in their current state.

Still bloody green.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Did you really forget how to drop your kids off at school over the summer??

It’s the first day back at school today.

I don’t have kids so it doesn’t really affect me, except when it comes to the drive to work.

I can’t get to the office without passing at least two schools and as usual, it seems that over the summer, the parents have forgotten how to drive, and also forgotten how to behave courteously while dropping their kids off.

This morning, when I came out of our neighbourhood and came to the local junior school, the roads were carnage. Cars were blocking all of the lanes, people were parked on any piece of land they could find. Even the police showed up to try and direct traffic so people could get through.

Did these people really forget how to drop their kids off at school and move on with the minimum of fuss?

It always strikes me how the first couple of days of school are always like this before people start to get back in their routine.

Come on people, summer wasn’t any longer than other years was it? It always amazes me how much more traffic there is on the roads when the schools are back, and not just the roads around the schools.

The roads are a lot quieter in the summer so there must be millions of people who only venture out of their house to take their kids to school.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Loserville has a new resident!

My Wife has a new obsession.

She's recently started working on a farm.

She's been ploughing fields, harvesting crops and tending various farm animals and she's been making some good money recently.

I suppose the Aerogarden I bought her for her birthday last year inspired her to go on to bigger and better things. No longer is she content with growing seven varieties of lettuce or some basil now it's lemon trees, and sheep.

Only it isn't. Her new obsession is Farmville, some silly game on Facebook.

The object of the game is to run your own pretend farm and plant pretend crops and then over varying amounts of time, you can pretend to harvest them and make pretend money to spend on more pretend crops. Only my wife forgets the pretend part.

Not only does she have her own pretend farm but she also set one up for me too so when all of her crops have been harvested, she can tend to mine.

The problem I have is that sometimes Farmville publishes notifications on your Facebook page to let your friends know what you've been up to, so it now appears that I spend all day on my pretend farm when I'm actually at work.

Last night, a friend of my wife's stayed over and when my wife was telling her all about Farmville, she had the understandable reaction of telling her she should get out more.

Well, this morning, the two of them were on the computer for a few hours setting up a new pretend farm for the friend!

Not only that, but around noon, my wife's friend called to ask how long her crops would take to grow. My wife told her they would be ready around 1.15pm.

At 1.20pm, the friend called my wife again to tell her that she was out at the store and ask if she could log on to her pretend farm and harvest her pretend crops for her so they don't (pretend to) wither and die!

Loserville has a new resident!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Bananas update

It's now Friday night and I ended up bringing my bananas home for the weekend because they are still as green as the Irish hills.

Did we buy plastic ones by mistake?

You are driving me bananas!

I like bananas as much as the next man, but usually when I buy them, by about the Wednesday they're not in the best condition.

Last Saturday, my Wife and I were doing our grocery shopping at Fiesta for a change and as I didn't want my bananas to have turned to mush by Monday I picked some green ones.

The only trouble is, it's now Friday and they're still bloody green!

These must be the greenest bananas there ever was!

I even placed them in a brown paper back for the last two days but even that hasn't worked so now I have to hope they'll be ready to eat by next Monday.

I did call my Wife at one point to ask her if they really were bananas but we'll just have to wait and see.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Two more years of reminding you and convincing you to go!

My Wife is currently walking the streets of our neighbourhood knocking on doors to ask people to sign a proxy form for the next Homeowner's meeting.

She has been a board member for the past two years and it drives me mad!

There are meetings once a month, which she always forgets about so I have to remind her, she then remembers she has to print a lot of things out to take with her two minutes before she's supposed to be there, then two hours later comes home complaining about whatever was discussed at the meeting.

She is up for re-election this year and this was the perfect opportunity to resign and let someone else take over...but no. The only time my Wife gets enthusiastic about being on the board is when she has the chance to leave.

We discussed her leaving the board and she did get as far as telling the other board members that she was considering not running for re-election. However, about two weeks later she left an e-mail up on the computer screen that was her confirming to the board that she would run for re-election.

So now I have to put the second Monday the month in my work calendar for the next two years so I can remind her to go and maybe even convince her to attend pointing out that she had the chance to leave.

The funny thing is, she only got dragged into being on the board because when she first bought our house she decided she wanted to attend the annual meeting and when they announced they needed volunteers she tried to push me forward. The chairperson at the time spotted her attempt to force me into volunteering and called her out on it and she hasn't been able to escape since!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Something is not right here!

How come now that I've moved to an office much closer to home, I just end up working longer hours instead of getting home early??

Saturday, August 15, 2009

So dogs can tell when it's going to rain can they?

Apparently dogs know when it's going to rain.

Funny then, how they are unable to plan ahead and realise that as they're scared of the rain, it might be a good idea to go outside and pee before it starts?

Not our dogs.

Friday, August 7, 2009

There's something just wrong about a grown man wailing like a little girl

You may have noticed from my last post that I'm not a fan of country music.

It's not that I can't understand it's appeal. Some people just aren't intelligent enough to understand songs that aren't about women who think tractors are sexy or drinking beer on the porch with your dog after your wife has walked out.

I actually don't hate all country music. I think there are some female country singers who can write a catchy tune but that's as far as it goes.

The one thing I don't get though, and this actually annoys me as well as making me feel a little bit uncomfortable is grown men singing country music.

There's just something not right about it.

I can understand the appeal a cute blonde girl in tight jeans but there is nothing appealing about the men in country music.

It's a bit like them blokes you meet who are just a bit too friendly. They're harmless enough but they're touchy feely in a way that normal men aren't and it unnerves you a bit and makes you protective of the kids.

It is just wrong.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Imagine disco night on the mental ward

Last weekend, my Wife and I were invited to a country and western club for a friend's birthday.

This was my first time at such an establishment and I spent pretty much the whole night starring open jawed at the dancefloor.

Now, I've been to quite a lot of clubs in my lifetime but I have never been to one where everyone, and I do mean everyone either dances around the dancefloor in a circle (I believe this is called two-stepping) or in a line.

It seems these people are unable, or unwilling to throw some shapes of their own and everyone has to behave in exactly the same way.

The circle dancing was just bizarre. It was like being at a roller rink watching everyone going round and round.

The line dancing was just like the Thriller video, except some of the women weren't as good looking as the undead. Although that may have had something to do with my sober state.

But the main thing I learnt that night is that there is not a man on this earth who can wear tight jeans, a checked shirt, over sized belt buckle and a stetson and look any other than a simpleton who has been allowed out for the day before returning to a padded room.

I was impressed by one geriatric cowboy though. Apparently it's rude to decline when someone asks you to dance and there was one old timer who took advantage of the situation and spent the whole night with a variety of young fillies on his arm.

Hi-5 to that fella but I hope the rest of them keep taking their medication.

We left around 1.30am but I can only assume that at 2am the short bus arrived to take them all back to the ward.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I'll get in trouble for this but it has happened to me twice in the five minutes I've been on the computer

I actually came on here to post on my other blog but as soon as I typed in, I was taken to my Wife's blogger page.

There's a very good reason for this and that is my Wife is unable to locate the log out button on most web pages. Sometimes it's called sign out so I can understand the confusion.

The up shot of this is that whenever I go to a page where we both have accounts, e-mail, blogger etc, I first have to log her out, before I can log in as myself.

As our computer tends to be quite slow these days, the timing of this series of events means that on the rare occasions I use the desktop computer at home, I click on the address of the web site I wish to visit, I then click log out (or sign out) for my Wife, and then the computer has some sort of nervous break down probably due to having to carry out a command it is unfamiliar with. The time it takes the computer to think about what it is doing and then give me the opportunity to sign in as myself varies greatly, but it is always, and I really do mean always, the exact amount of time it takes my Wife to realise I'm gone and to come in to see what I'm doing.

She then decides she has a more important way for me to spend my time and as soon as I get signed on, I reluctantly click log off for a second time.

This is Andy, signing off.

P.S. I love my Wife very much. She's ace.