The sand is a billion degrees and I do not feel like wearing flip flops!

We went down to Galveston this weekend which was supposed to be a nice relaxing break.

We'd been there approximately before I almost collapsed from exhaustion for the first time.

If you've never been to Galveston then I will explain that all of the beach houses there are up on stilts as it has a habit of getting in the way of hurricanes which bring devastation, along with flooding.

This means that when you empty the car to take your things into the house you have to climb a flight of stairs before you even get in the house.

Then, some bright spark decided that the living room and kitchen area would be up another flight of stairs.

We only go for the weekend but when you have a Wife and two dogs, it takes a number of trips to empty the car. Did I mention that this is in 100 degree heat?

The second time I almost died on my relaxing weekend, I was carrying a bag of stuff, a couple of chairs and an umbrella to the beach. Oh, and two dogs who were sharing a lead so one was pulling the other all over the place.

As soon as we set foot on the sand Busby started screaming in pain which was his way of telling us that the sand was about a thousand degrees and we must be joking. I took the dogs back to the house and set off back to the beach, carrying my bag of stuff, two chairs and umbrella and also burning my own feet on the thousand degree sand because my Wife insisted I wear flip flops like 'a normal person'.

The third time my Wife almost killed me (it was her idea to go for a relaxing weekend at the beach house) was when we headed down to the beach on Sunday with some friends.

This time as there were more of us going you'd expect that there were more people to carry the load but oh no, it just meant that we had to take a lot more stuff so add all of their own belongings to the extra chairs, and an additional gazebo thingy that weighed a ton. Luckily the gazebo thingy was on wheels which was useful, until we got to the sandy part of the beach anyway.

Despite being a hurricane survivor, this latest trip to the beach was too much for the gazebo thingy and it refused to be as easy to assemble as the directions promised.

Trying to keep spirits high the male fraternity decided to play some football on the beach and despite putting Zidane to shame with my silky skills, my feet decided they disagreed with the sandy surface and decided to blister, badly. The sand was helpful as it attempted to fill the blisters which meant I had to spend the afternoon ripping the skin off my right foot and trying not to scream like Drogba while trying to clean it.

The fourth and final time I almost dropped dead was when it came time to reload the car and make the same trips up and down the many flights of stairs in the same billion degree heat.

The good news is it's the 4th of July this week so we have a long weekend coming up and we can do it all again.

The King is dead

Michael Jackson died today. This is sad news but while watching one news channel there was a definite sign of how far we have fallen from reality and real 'news' when across the bottom of the screen there was a scrolling bar with "Breaking News".

And do you know what the breaking news was? I quote:

"MC Hammer Tweets: I have no words. I loved Michael Jackson. RIP."

Hold the phone a minute... MC Hammer...on Twitter...is news??

Fair enough, the death of one of the most famous musicians of our time is big news, but bringing us MC Hammers' thoughts via Twitter? Seriously?

Are we so desperate to hear the thoughts of 'celebrities', and I use that term in the loosest possible sense, rather than medical experts etc?

It is indeed sad news, and at times like this you can't help but think of the kids.

Obviously the biggest part of all this insania is that we now need a new King of Pop. My vote goes to Peter Andre, or Coca-Cola but Andre could do with the boost since splitting up with Jordan.

I'm tempted to wear black to work tomorrow as a mark of respect. Or maybe white. It makes no difference.

Michael Jackson will be missed. He may not have been relevant recently but he really touched me when I was younger.

Out of all this though I mostly feel sorry for Farrah Fawcett. She finally succumbed to cancer today only to have her thunder stolen by Michael Jackson.

Managing for four year olds

I'm on a course with work this week called 'Managing for Performance'.

It's intended to give you skills on getting the best out of your team. Fair enough so far but I found the first day very American and childish. It'd be much better titled 'Managing for four year olds.

I'm 31 now but I'm over all the 'introduce yourself to these people you've never met and will never see again and tell them a little bit about yourself that they do not give a shit about and probably won't even listen to.'

There are some interesting things we covered on day 1 but there was far too much 'hey, here's something to read, now split into groups and discuss it amongst yourselves.' It's a pretty easy gig for the 'instructor' who can sit at the back of the room while the people who are there presumably because they don't know much about the topic in hand try and some up with thew answers themselves and generally talk shite to each other.

You always get the same kind of people at these things as well. There's always the old guy who questions everything the instructor says even though he knows everything already. There's always the joker who is easily the funniest person he knows, and the older lady who's a bit scatty and has to be told everything 11 times.

There's one woman who sounds exactly like Whoopi Goldberg who turns every example round to Manager's not treating everybody fairly and the same. After the third mention of this in the first 10 minutes I realised she must have been talking from experience. But you know what, I still didn't give a shit because I don't know you Whoopi, and we will never meet again.

Did I mention that anyone who returns from a break late or whose cell phone rings has to sing in front of everybody? Seriously, we had adults, who are all Manager's within the company remember, singing I'm a little teapot (with actions), or Old MacDonald had a farm (with pig noises).

The icing on the cake was just as we were leaving when the instructor told us to make sure we took everything with us, except for our nameplates because she's going to move everyone around like musical fucking chairs so tomorrow I have to look forward to a different muppet trying to show me how great they are and how they should actually be giving the class.

And I have three days of this. At least they provided lunch.

Stop spoiling my viewing, I do not have the attention span of a 1 year old!

Why do TV channels show you what is coming up on the show you're watching during the commercials?

I can understand it if it's a chat show but some channels will reveal spoilers for no apparent reason as though they think we'll just stop watching half way through if we don't know how it will end!

Do American audiences really have such short attention spans that they have to know what they're about to watch instead of waiting and seeing the show develop in it's natural order?

BBC America are one of the worst culprits. We were watching Primeval the other night and during each commercial break they show you what is going to happen later in the show. They even show you what is going to happen later in the series, including the return of long gone or presumed dead characters.

What is the point in that? Thanks very much. Now I won't need to watch the whole thing so your plan backfired.

The BBC in Britain is a commercial free station funded by the licence fee so I can understand how they have to stretch a forty minute show into an hour for BBC America (which is a commercial station) but do they really have to reveal plot spoilers?

It's probably because I watch a lot of BBC America but other channels do it and it is very annoying!

Up early

Why is it impossible to have a lie in at weekends?

We get up early in the week as Houston society dictates that 7am is a reasonable time to start work everyday so at night I find myself falling asleep in front of the TV.

This also gets me in trouble as for some reason my Wive hates the fact that I might be tired and want to sleep. I get poked, have things thrown at me or she goes the old fashioned way and just shouts at me to wake me up again. Apparently we have to watch the TV 'together'!

Anyway, because we're in the habit of getting up early in the week, the same thing happens automatically at weekends. It's 8am now but I've already been awake for over an hour.

Actually, it might be a good job I'm up early as our gardener has just turned up! Why would anyone think it was a good idea to cut someones grass at 8am on a Saturday?!? Even if I hadn't woken up the sound of a lawnmower right outside my bedroom window would wake me up!

London Town

Britney Spears took her "Circus" to Manchester this week and while on stage shouted to the crowd "How are you doing London?".

I'm sick of the complete and utter morons in the US who do not know the difference between England, Britain, and London!

I am Mancunian first, then I am English, and finally British. Do not even think about calling me European.

Don't tell your friends you know someone from London. Not if you're talking about me anyway.

And while I'm on, no I don't know John from London who you met on holiday a few years ago. I am not related to the Queen and no, I don't know what it is she does all day.

Do some research. Learn some Geography, then come back and talk to me.

No 'wear' to be found

I've just been to the shop to buy some new camouflage pants and I couldn't find them anywhere!

I've been trying to find some for weeks no but no where has them.

What is going on?!?