William Shakespeare, John Lennon, they ain't got nothing on you!

Have you heard that song by some fella named Bob, well, B.O.B?

"Nothing on you" is the name of it.

Sample song lyrics are:
Baby, you the whole package, plus you pay your taxes
you keep it real while them others stay plastic
You're my wonder woman call me Mr Fantastic
Stop, now think about it

Ok then Bob, I have been thinking about it and I've arrived at the conclusion that this is a complete pile of s.h.i.t.

Fair enough, the chorus is quite catchy and it's not a bad song but when you actually listen to the words you can't help but think William Shakespeare must be rolling in his fucking grave hearing bollocks like that. He's no John Lennon is he?

The fact that he says this girl is the whole package, but then feels the need to add that she pays her taxes suggests to me that his track record with women is not the most impressive.

Sad news..

Last night my wife decided she wanted to go out to eat.

That's not the surprising part.

The but that caused shock on the part of yours truly was her suggestion that we go to Yank Sing.

Yank Sing is only my favourite restaurant in the whole world.

It's a cheap and cheerful Chinese buffet near where we live but I like it. I've been to some nice restaurants around the world but if I was given the choice to go to only one restaurant for the rest of my life, that would be it.

I used to go there, not a lot, but quite often, until my wife announced that she didn't really like it, hence the shock when we suggested we go there for the first time in about two years.

Excited, and hungry, off we went, pulling in to the car park. We managed to get a space right in front.

It was then I looked up and got that eery feeling that something wasn't quite right.

The neon Open sign was not lit. The place looked abandoned.

Yank Sing has closed down.

I was in shock, and suddenly felt lost.

Now what?

Pulling out of the car park, I couldn't help blaming my wife. It was probably the lack of our custom that put them out of business.

So off we set to another Chinese buffet that I used to like. I can never remember the name of it as it was always second choice but I could remember where it was.

We pulled into the car park again and guess what?

It had closed down.

Two for two.

My wife was in hysterics while I couldn't even muster up anything to say. Then my stomach let me know it was still hungry.

We did finally find somewhere to eat, although it wasn't a Chinese buffet.

The lesson here is that if you have a favourite restaurant, don't let your wife stop you going because this could mean that the place goes out of business and no one gets to go.

Don't let your wife ruin it for everyone!

Support your local Chinese buffet. Now, more than ever.

RIP Yank Sing.

Watching muppets watching TV of other muppets three feet away from them is not entertainment!!

America's got talent don't it?

Apart from the grammatical incorrect title of this TV show, it has recently slumped to a new low.

After the auditions have finished, the next step takes place in Las Vegas where all of the acts are grouped together depending on their genre and are then seen by the judges.

This is a good opportunity for them to check out their competition and see what they're up against.

And thanks to the editor of this show, it is a chance for the people watching at home to see the first part of the act, then watch the other people backstage watching the act on a monitor before cutting back to see the judges reaction, before cutting back to the act themselves for the final 3 seconds.

You basically get to see very little of the act, and see the back of people's heads while they comment on the act, before seeing the judges badly edited reactions that have no bearing on what they're actually seeing.

The editor of this show certainly don't got talent!

Sort it out!

Please annoy me so I can get mad about something!

I've recently noticed that our dogs are just like Daily Mail readers.

They stand at the front window of the house just waiting to be annoyed by something outside, whether it's a neighbour walking passed, a bird, or heaven forbid, another dog going for a walk.

Woof woof woof woof bloody woof!

Stop!

I've realise there is something that happens all the time that really annoys me.

You know when you're driving down the road, usually through a neighbourhood rather than a main road and there are no other cars on the road but then you start approaching a stop sign and suddenly, there is another car coming from the cross street you're about to pass so that you both get to the stop sign at the exact same time.

And it's never a few seconds apart, that wouldn't bother me if you got to the stop sign a few seconds apart, but it is always the exact same time, so then there is that awkward pause while you suss each other out to see who is going to make a move to go first.

This happens ALL the time, literally 99% of the times I get to a stop sign. There are no other cars anywhere to be seen except that one that gets there the same time as I do. After we pass through the stop sign there are again no cars in sight.

I know it's only a little thing but it's really starting to bug me, so much so that I really start to hate the person in the other car, even though they've done nothing wrong except arrive at a stop time at the EXACT SAME TIME as I do! Bastards!!

You don't show up when I order it and then make an appointment when I don't!

AT&T strikes again.

Remember the whole AT&T U-Verse debacle back in December?

Well, as we're in the process of moving house I called AT&T to cancel the house phone and internet etc.

The guy I spoke to spent the whole time trying to get me to sign up for AT&T U-verse.

I told him we could discuss it later but first I just wanted him to cancel my old phone and prepare to set up a new one at the new house when the time comes.

After about 20 minutes of trying to get him to shut up about bloody u-verse, he put me on hold.

At this point I'd had enough so hung up.

Two days later I was checking my e-mail when I spotted one from AT&T confirming my u-verse installation for May 17th between 9am and 11am.

Do what now?

Did I mention I signed up for AT&T u-verse?

No. Because I did not sign up for AT&T u-verse.

The guy just took it upon himself to assume that I would be unable to turn down such a tempting offer so went ahead with the order on my behalf!

What absolute cheating scumbags!

I hate dealing with AT&T.

I would rather deal with them online but every time I need to do something, I waste half an hour trying to navigate their website, only to be told you can't do anything online and have to call.

Another half an hour is spent trying to find a phone number to ring and the first thing you hear is how it would be faster and cheaper to do everything online.

Thanks for that.

What goes around comes around Frankie boy!

It was the Champions League semi final second legs this week.

You may know that unfortunately, my team, Manchester United were beaten in the quarter final by Bayern Munich. A game we looked like winning until young defender Rafael was sent off.

If you didn't see the game, Rafael was booked early on and then received a yellow card for pulling back Bayern player Frank Ribery near the half way line.

The referee blew for a free kick but was soon surrounded by a baying pack of Bayern players, headed by Ribery urging him to send Rafael off, which he duly did.

He wasn't going to give him a second yellow card until the Bayern players convinced him and it was a game changing decision.

Anyway, the reason I mention it is because this week, Ribery himself is appealing against a red card of his own that will rule him out of the final, and the first two games of next years competition.

What goes around comes around you ugly bastard!

Incidentally, an underage prostitute in France has come out and claimed Ribery, as well as other French players were regular clients of hers.

It just wasn't his week was it poor love!