Yes, I paid, so I bloody should get one when I buy one!

In the US they have these special deals called Buy one, Get one.

It's similar to the deals you get in Britain except it doesn't make sense.

In Britain, they have Buy one get one free offers, delightfully abbreviated to BOGOF. This is a good deal. You buy something, and get another identical item free, so you end up with two for the price of one, or both of them for half price, however you want to look at it.

In the states its Buy one, Get one.

So if you buy one of something you get one of the things you bought. That's not a deal! That's just how shopping works!

If I buy one, I should bloody well get the one I bought.

If only they added that extra word at the end of the offer it would make much more sense.

How long does it take to make a quick phone call or send an e-mail?

My wife had a doctor's appointment last week to check everything is ok with the baby and they did lots of tests.

The thing that annoys me though is when they say "if you don't hear from us everything is ok".

Right, so they will only be in touch if the results aren't good, but how long are you supposed to wait wondering if everything is ok?

Even when they say the results should be back in about a week, you still worry that things got held up for some reason so you still don't know when you should stop worrying.

Why can't they just give you a quick phone call, or even an e-mail saying everything is ok? How long would that take? Not long at all.

In Houston local phone calls are free anyway so it wouldn't cost anything.

Besides, they always keep you waiting for ages when you're there so an extra two minutes wouldn't make any difference while they send someone an e-mail.

Read this warning before doing any exercise!

For the first fourteen days of 2010 I did some exercise on the treadmill until yesterday I was finally defeated by a fever of 102.3.

The only conclusion I can make is that exercise is bad for you.

Be warned.

Thank God for their generosity!

I saw on the local news the other day how a woman who had no heating in her home had received a generous gift from a plumbing and heating company.

The woman, who was probably early 60's from what I can remember received a new gas central heating system from John Moore Plumbing company worth $24,000 including parts and labour.

So what does the grateful lady do?

She goes on the news and thanks God for looking after her! She was apparently in awe of his generosity.

Now, I'm no Super Mario but if I had donated $24,000 worth of equipment and labour so that an old lady could stay warm during winter, I would be mightily pissed off if she decided to tell everyone it was a gift from God and not even mention the company's name!

Shock news headline: There is no news today!

Do you ever click on a news website, or even see an advert for the news and wonder why someone has gone to the trouble of researching and broadcasting a non-event as news?

I was just watching football on the tv (Arsenal v Everton) and at half time I thought I'd browse the internet on my phone (the score is 1-1 by the way).

Two headlines caught my eye:

3D TV to be "saviour" of industry

TV's Tennant 'backs Brown as PM'

I'll start with the first one. 3D TV to be "saviour" of industry. Yes, because no one watches TV anymore.

The second one. The guy who used to play Dr Who allegedly likes the British Prime Minister.

Neither of these are really news are they?

Why do news organisations think we care about actor's political beliefs? I might like a musicians songs but I don't care whether they worry about global warming while they're flying around the world in their private jet.

I can make up my own decision about politics and religion. Just sing your song and entertain me!

Aw, the pretty little people got fat over Christmas!

Did you put on a few pounds over Christmas?

That's ok, who cares?

Too bad if your part of a matchmaking website beautifulpeople.com.

People have to apply to join the site and existing members then vote to decide if they are attractive enough.

The problem now though is that some members have been posting photos of themselves over the holidays that have led to complaints from other members that they have put on weight and are no longer attractive enough!

Check out the story here, then laugh at the shallow bastards!

Can't you let us have a nice cup of tea on a Saturday morning?

Why is it that the makers of milk, ok, not the cows but the companies that package and sell milk decide to make it go off on a Friday?

For some reason, every bottle of milk we buy has a best before date, or a use by date of a Friday.

This means that every Saturday morning I wake up and go to make a cup of tea for myself and my wife and the milk has gone off.

Some weeks we plan ahead and it's not an issue but when we do forget it is extremely annoying!

The milk in the fridge goes off on the 8th of January according to the label. That is this Friday so I either have to get to the shop before then to buy a bottle of milk, or forget about it and then get really annoyed on Saturday morning!

Why can't they just leave it in the cow for an extra couple of days so it doesn't go off until the Monday? That way, when we go shopping at the weekend, we can stock up for the week ahead.

Just play the guitar when the adverts are coming on. You're not the star of the show!

I was watching the Jay Leno show the other night and as usual, Jay included the guitar player from his house band, Kevin Eubanks in the banter on the show.

He does this quite a lot and I don't have a problem with it. At least he isn't that bald shouty goon from Letterman. The thing I did have a problem with though is the hat Eubanks was wearing.

The guy's job is to play guitar in the band when guests are entering the stage, or the show is going to a commercial. So why did Kevin Eubanks, not to mention the producers of the show think it is ok for the guy to wear a hat bearing Barrack Obama's name?

Kevin Eubanks is not a political commentator. He wasn't a guest on the show. The Jay Leno show is not even very political. It is light entertainment.

There is no place for personal political views of the minor players on the show. There is absolutely no reason for it.

A quick question before I go. In the interests of fairness, would a white keyboard player be allowed to wear a hat with the slogan "Nobama" on it?

I very much doubt it.

Scandalous.