Goodbye, good riddance 2009

So it is finally the last day of 2009.

Thank God!

This has been a pretty shit year and I am glad to see the back of it.

The odd good thing has happened this year but it has sadly been outnumbered by bad things.

I said at the end of January it was like the whole world got up on the wrong side of bed on New Year's Day and it stayed that way for the whole year.

Here's hoping 2010 is much better.

Good luck!

You can't wait a few minutes to find a bin you thick necked piece of shit!

Driving home the other day we were driving behind a black Ford Mustang.

All of a sudden, a can came flying out of the window into the grass at the side of the road, quickly followed by another one.

They looked like beer cans.

Can anyone explain the point in that to me?

I can honestly say that if I have a drink in the car, and I don't mean beer, just any drink, when I'm done with it, it does not cross my mind to just throw the can or bottle out of the window.

Most cars are fitted with cup holders these days so is it really that much trouble to keep hold of it until you find a bin?

When we passed the car at the next set of lights, the people in it were typical knuckle dragging neanderthals who think they can do whatever they want and have no consideration for anyone or anything.

Absolute scum.

Different cultures usually have different cultures, that is why they call them different cultures!

There's a guy at work who doesn't quite grasp the concept of different cultures.

He thinks everything all over the world is exactly the same as it is in his back yard.

I tell him about things in England and he can't comprehend a lot of it as he has absolutely no frame of reference for anything different to his own life.

He thinks I'm joking about a lot of things.

A couple of weeks go we were talking about one of the company's offices in Dubai and a customer working in Algeria.

He decided that there was no point in contacting the office in Dubai to get the information the customer in Algeria needed as it was almost Christmas and everyone would be on holiday.

I explained to him that not everyone celebrated Christmas so it would be normal working hours for them so he should still do the work.

This totally blew his mind!

At first, there was a look of confusion plastered across his face and the only word he managed to get out was a mumbled "huh?".

I told him again that not everyone in the world celebrates Christmas.

After a few minutes of considering this statement he declared it untrue.

I assured him that Christmas was a Christian holiday and not everyone celebrated it.

His reply: "Well, they'll still be closed because they know we celebrate it."

What?!?

Do you fast during Eid because you know Muslims do? I still expect to be able to go for a curry if I want to.

I honestly wonder what they teach in US schools when the rest of the world is studying history and geography.

Happy Birthday Jesus Christ. Here's some Harry Potter merchandise.

Christmas?

Bah Humbug!

Mother Nature's wake up call

It's Christmas Eve today and I'm off work.

Time for a nice lie in eh? I don't get to have a lie in very often but something always transpires to make me wake up early on my day off.

Last night it happened to be the loudest thunder storm I have heard in a long time.

The rain was pounding on the bedroom window and it looked liked there was a disco going on in the garden with all the lightning.

Thanks Mother Nature!

Bloody students playing at music!

I've just read the following in Q, the UK's biggest music magazine:

"Idiosyncratic sibling duo The Fiery Furnaces unveil the world's first silent record in February 2010.

Instead of music, it will feature lyrics, musical notations, instructions and illustrations of hypothetical performances for fans to interpret themselves."

Just fuck off!

Some people will do what you tell them!

An update to my post the other day about the internet campaign attempting to put a stop the Simon Cowell's X Factor domination of the Christmas number 1.

Rage against the machine is the official UK Christmas number 1 this year after selling over 500,000 copies. Not bad for a song that is available by download only!

The X Factor winner Joe McElderry sold over 450,000 copies which would have easily been enough for the top spot any other week.

The campaign was definitely good for the writers of both songs but it goes to show people power can still make a difference!

Forget those starving kids in Africa, some muppet wants to win a TV show!

It's no wonder there is so much trouble in the world these days.

So many wars, famines, natural disasters.

We were watching Survivor the other day and there was a challenge were the contestants had to remove a series of ropes holding up a bunch of coconuts letting as few drop as possible.

Anyway, two of the contestants decided to say a small prayer before their turn and stated that God would guide their hand and help them pick the correct rope.

You see this a lot on American TV shows.

Obviously, those kids in Africa are going to die of starvation because God would rather spend his time helping you play a giant game of Kerplunk in order to win a million dollars.

Seriously.

Get a grip people.

I'm sure that if there is a God, he doesn't give a shit who wins some poxy little TV game show. I'd hope he'd have more important things to do with his time.

I know you're being polite but making me run is NOT doing me a favour!

At what point does holding a door open for someone stop being a favour?

If someone is following you through a door, it's an easy decision to hold it open for them.

But making someone feel that they have to speed up to get there is not doing them a favour, unless you're on a train and they're about to be sliced in two.

If they are a long way behind you, it's ok to let the door close.

I know there is that awkward distance in between where you're unsure of what to do. You don't want to seem rude, but it's actually not helpful to either person. The person holding the door could have already gone on their way but now their just stood there waiting.

But it is even worse for the person who is supposedly having the favour done for them. They don't want to seem ungrateful so they do that shuffling run/walk where they're not actually moving any quicker but at least they appear to be making an effort.

I don't know about you but I'm ok walking at my own pace. I can open a door thank you very much.

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!

In England, for some lovely unknown reason, the song that happens to be number 1 in the chart at Christmas is a big deal.

People who don't care about the charts the rest of the year suddenly take an interest.

Novelty songs are very popular, as are charity singles but in recent years the final of Simon Cowell's karaoke TV 'talent' show The X Factor has coincided with the Christmas chart.

Simon Cowell is a very good business man and it is a very good marketing strategy to have The X Factor end mid-December just in time for the winner to release their debut single in time to be the Christmas number 1.

However, this year the cool kids have decided to fight back.

There has been a growing campaign in England encouraging people to download Rage Against The Machine's 1991 song "Killing in the name" in an effort to make it the Christmas number 1 this year and put an end to The X Factor's manufactured rubbish.

If you've never heard of Rage Against the Machine, or their song Killing in the name you won't be familiar with the bit that repeats the phrase "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!" over and over for pretty much the second half of the entire song.

Am I the only one to see the irony in being told to buy a song that defiantly states that I will not do what you tell me?

Muppets!

Everything that happens in life is not a big shock or sensational you pillock!

Manchester got beat today, 1-0 at home to Aston Villa.

The result isn't thing that annoyed me most though. It seems that every time Manchester United lose a game of football Alan Parry is the commentator.

The reason this guy annoys me so much is because every time Manchester United lose a game, or even concede a goal, he makes it out to be the biggest shock the world has ever seen.

Aston Villa scored their goal in the first half today, but the guy spent most of the second half running out stats of the last time Aston Villa beat United, the last time they won at Old Trafford, the last time the goal scorer scored against United, how many corn flakes their manager had for breakfast this morning, everything except telling you what was going on in the actual game.

United are going to lose games. If the Premier League is to be competitive then teams are going to have to beat each other.

I'd like to think that any one can beat any other team in the same league as them without the world coming to an end.

Granted, some results are a surprise, but it I'm getting sick and tired of everything that doesn't work out for United being a disaster, just the same as I hate everything good they do being made out to be more than it is.

It's a game of football. No team will win them all.

Sort it out you muppets!

One lucky lady

Many happy returns to the luckiest woman in the world, my wife!

Happy Birthday!

Let's play hunt the telephone!

Last night, my wife was out at a rodeo meeting (she volunteers at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo) when the phone rang.

Every time I'm home alone and the phone rings it's the same routine. My first reaction is to freeze. I don't know why but a ringing phone seems to spark confusion in my mind.

After a few seconds, I decide I should answer it so I run to the kitchen where the receiver is plugged in, only to realise that as we have a cordless home phone, that is actually the last place it will be. My wife likes to wonder around the house when she's talking on the phone.

Remembering we have another receiver in the bedroom, this is my next destination, only with the same result, no handset.

By this time, the answerphone has kicked in and it's too late. It's usually at this point I find the handset, notice the battery is dead and walk back to the kitchen or bedroom to charge it.

Only last night was even more fun. Both handsets were completely dead, so when the phone rang a second time shortly after, even though I knew the location of both handsets, there was actually no way of answering the bloody phone!

When my wife got home later that night, the first thing she said was, I rang but you didn't answer!

You couldn't make it up!

17 snowflakes cause carnage on Houston roads!!

I took a day off work today.

It was actually quite cold and we even had some snow.

My wife and I went to pick up a Christmas tree and it was probably the perfect winter weather that we never get in Houston.

When I got home, I found out that my office was closed at 11.40am and everyone was sent home.

We did have a fair bit of snow for Texas, but it was not sticking to the roads so I don't think there was any reason people should be sent home!

When I lived in England, I worked in Halifax which was about an 80 mile round trip every day. One day, I woke up and found the street covered in snow. By covered, I more 4 or 5 inches deep.

I cleared the snow and ice off the car and noticed there was a perfectly round hole in one of my windows. Some kids must've thrown a snowball at the car and because it was so cold, it went right through.

I taped up the window, and drove to work, over the pennines and found the weather was even worse in Yorkshire. We were probably looking at around 7-8 inches of snow, and I mean you actually had to walk through 7-8 inches of snow.

Nobody took the day off and the office didn't close, even though it didn't stop snowing all day.

When anything the slightest bit out of the ordinary happens in Houston, the entire city comes to a stand still. Schools close, which means parents have to miss work to look after there kids, and suddenly everyone forgets how to drive, if they even knew in the first place!

To show that it does get cold in Houston sometimes, here's a couple of pictures: