You are driving me bananas!

I like bananas as much as the next man, but usually when I buy them, by about the Wednesday they're not in the best condition.

Last Saturday, my Wife and I were doing our grocery shopping at Fiesta for a change and as I didn't want my bananas to have turned to mush by Monday I picked some green ones.

The only trouble is, it's now Friday and they're still bloody green!

These must be the greenest bananas there ever was!

I even placed them in a brown paper back for the last two days but even that hasn't worked so now I have to hope they'll be ready to eat by next Monday.

I did call my Wife at one point to ask her if they really were bananas but we'll just have to wait and see.

Two more years of reminding you and convincing you to go!

My Wife is currently walking the streets of our neighbourhood knocking on doors to ask people to sign a proxy form for the next Homeowner's meeting.

She has been a board member for the past two years and it drives me mad!

There are meetings once a month, which she always forgets about so I have to remind her, she then remembers she has to print a lot of things out to take with her two minutes before she's supposed to be there, then two hours later comes home complaining about whatever was discussed at the meeting.

She is up for re-election this year and this was the perfect opportunity to resign and let someone else take over...but no. The only time my Wife gets enthusiastic about being on the board is when she has the chance to leave.

We discussed her leaving the board and she did get as far as telling the other board members that she was considering not running for re-election. However, about two weeks later she left an e-mail up on the computer screen that was her confirming to the board that she would run for re-election.

So now I have to put the second Monday the month in my work calendar for the next two years so I can remind her to go and maybe even convince her to attend pointing out that she had the chance to leave.

The funny thing is, she only got dragged into being on the board because when she first bought our house she decided she wanted to attend the annual meeting and when they announced they needed volunteers she tried to push me forward. The chairperson at the time spotted her attempt to force me into volunteering and called her out on it and she hasn't been able to escape since!

Something is not right here!

How come now that I've moved to an office much closer to home, I just end up working longer hours instead of getting home early??

So dogs can tell when it's going to rain can they?

Apparently dogs know when it's going to rain.

Funny then, how they are unable to plan ahead and realise that as they're scared of the rain, it might be a good idea to go outside and pee before it starts?

Not our dogs.

There's something just wrong about a grown man wailing like a little girl

You may have noticed from my last post that I'm not a fan of country music.

It's not that I can't understand it's appeal. Some people just aren't intelligent enough to understand songs that aren't about women who think tractors are sexy or drinking beer on the porch with your dog after your wife has walked out.

I actually don't hate all country music. I think there are some female country singers who can write a catchy tune but that's as far as it goes.

The one thing I don't get though, and this actually annoys me as well as making me feel a little bit uncomfortable is grown men singing country music.

There's just something not right about it.

I can understand the appeal a cute blonde girl in tight jeans but there is nothing appealing about the men in country music.

It's a bit like them blokes you meet who are just a bit too friendly. They're harmless enough but they're touchy feely in a way that normal men aren't and it unnerves you a bit and makes you protective of the kids.

It is just wrong.

Imagine disco night on the mental ward

Last weekend, my Wife and I were invited to a country and western club for a friend's birthday.

This was my first time at such an establishment and I spent pretty much the whole night starring open jawed at the dancefloor.

Now, I've been to quite a lot of clubs in my lifetime but I have never been to one where everyone, and I do mean everyone either dances around the dancefloor in a circle (I believe this is called two-stepping) or in a line.

It seems these people are unable, or unwilling to throw some shapes of their own and everyone has to behave in exactly the same way.

The circle dancing was just bizarre. It was like being at a roller rink watching everyone going round and round.

The line dancing was just like the Thriller video, except some of the women weren't as good looking as the undead. Although that may have had something to do with my sober state.

But the main thing I learnt that night is that there is not a man on this earth who can wear tight jeans, a checked shirt, over sized belt buckle and a stetson and look any other than a simpleton who has been allowed out for the day before returning to a padded room.

I was impressed by one geriatric cowboy though. Apparently it's rude to decline when someone asks you to dance and there was one old timer who took advantage of the situation and spent the whole night with a variety of young fillies on his arm.

Hi-5 to that fella but I hope the rest of them keep taking their medication.

We left around 1.30am but I can only assume that at 2am the short bus arrived to take them all back to the ward.

I'll get in trouble for this but it has happened to me twice in the five minutes I've been on the computer

I actually came on here to post on my other blog but as soon as I typed in blogger.com, I was taken to my Wife's blogger page.

There's a very good reason for this and that is my Wife is unable to locate the log out button on most web pages. Sometimes it's called sign out so I can understand the confusion.

The up shot of this is that whenever I go to a page where we both have accounts, e-mail, blogger etc, I first have to log her out, before I can log in as myself.

As our computer tends to be quite slow these days, the timing of this series of events means that on the rare occasions I use the desktop computer at home, I click on the address of the web site I wish to visit, I then click log out (or sign out) for my Wife, and then the computer has some sort of nervous break down probably due to having to carry out a command it is unfamiliar with. The time it takes the computer to think about what it is doing and then give me the opportunity to sign in as myself varies greatly, but it is always, and I really do mean always, the exact amount of time it takes my Wife to realise I'm gone and to come in to see what I'm doing.

She then decides she has a more important way for me to spend my time and as soon as I get signed on, I reluctantly click log off for a second time.

This is Andy, signing off.

P.S. I love my Wife very much. She's ace.